BE CAREFUL

Below is a post I recently made to Facebook:

Before I left for Albania, at separate times, both my wife and my good friend, Lark, gave me the same advice. "Be careful."  I smiled at them dismissively.  Now I understand them more clearly.  Inside of every benevolent 68 year old man there is an 18 year old boy ready to make a fool of him.  Thank-you for your wise words!  They have saved me embarrassment on more than one occasion.

Some of the responses to my post were:

There must be more to this post!!

Something you want to confess?

Me thinks it is story time....

So in this blog – Here is the rest of the story:

In general, the people in Albania are very interested in American and Americans. They will quickly notice that I am a foreigner in their country and will not hesitate to ask where I am from.  When I say America, they immediately smile and say something positive like “We love Americans,” or “Can you help me go to America?” or “Tell me about America!”  Much of their impression comes from modern youth culture or from relatives and friends who have been successful in America and often send back money.  There is even a lottery system set up at the American embassy where each year a lucky few are given immigration visas.  Many of my Albania acquaintances express their hope that they will “win” this lottery.

This fascination with America and Americans can be intoxicating, and if I am not careful, I can easily personalize this generalized attraction.  When the adoring party is young and beautiful, well, the 18 year old boy in me is activated.  Fantasies from 50 years ago emerge. Very quickly, the voices of wisdom prevail. (Well, maybe not so quickly!)  It helps to go home, get a good look in the mirror, and notice my wrinkles, gray thinning hair, sagging neck, and splotched skin.  And the wisdom voices yell at me – “Fool, what were you thinking?"

So the warning of “Be careful,” when expanded is “Be careful of your illusions!”

Following this line of inquiry and after six month here it is evident to most of the Peace Corps volunteers, young and old, that in this extended immersion we can discover new and old truths about ourselves as we engage in our primary mission to make a contribution to this country.  For many Albanians the vision of American, true or illusory, becomes a possible solution, and I, and other Peace Corps volunteers are identified as part of that solution. Their attraction to us becomes a challenge on many levels, one of which I detailed above.

This blog has always been about personal and cultural development using the model of Spiral Dynamics described at the bottom of the page. I apply this model to my own complexity and to the complex cultural manifestations I see around me.  Albanians are in the midst of seismic cultural changes and personal transitions. As I am privileged to see through my own illusions, and as I get to know people and read the news, the concerns of the people in Albania take focus.  I see and hear the expressions of hope and fear rising from the stress of swirling values and uncertain identity.  Change is felt strong now in Albania and just being here creates a resonance.  I am compelled to experience my own complexity and transitions

I have not written in my blog recently. As I grow closer to people here and understand the intricacies of this changing culture I am hesitant to generalize and over simplify.  For my own changes, with the almost daily conversations with Bettina keeping me grounded, and as my vision becomes more clear, I feel greater confidence in my capacity to love, to be full of care.

It is October and this is the garden next to my apartment